


Drunken Penis by madam_minnie

by madam_minnie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble Collection, Humor, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-11
Updated: 2013-06-11
Packaged: 2017-12-14 15:11:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/838325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madam_minnie/pseuds/madam_minnie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry likes to sing and dance with a glance in his pants</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drunken Penis by madam_minnie

  
[Drunken Penis](viewstory.php?sid=3567) by [madam_minnie](viewuser.php?uid=2)  


  
Summary: Harry likes to sing and dance with a glance in his pants  
Categories: Remains of the Day > Drabbles Characters:  Harry Potter, Ron Weasley  
Genres:  Comedy  
Time Period:  None  
Warnings:  Alternate Universe, Masturbation, Slash  
Challenges: None  
Series: None  
Chapters:  1 Completed: Yes   
Word count: 654 Read: 372  
Published: 11/06/2006 Updated: 11/06/2006 

Drunken Penis by madam_minnie

Author's Notes:

Written during a YIM chat with the TQP Captains... while under the influence of Sauza Gold ;)  


Harry looked down at his flaccid cock and wondered why it wouldn't stir... he had tried everything in the past... well, he couldn't quite remember how long he'd been at it, but he was certain it had been quite a long time he'd spent stroking it, coaxing it to waken and the traitorous appendage did nothing but stare weepingly and longingly at the floor. He was certain it had nothing to do with his drunken state and everything to do with the need to shag Ron into tomorrow and suddenly feeling inept.

Yes, that's what it had to be...

He was just no good at this sort of thing...

Not good at all...

One does not pick up their best friend at a bar and bring him home without any expectation of fantastic sex followed by hours of follow-up sex.

Yes, it was about the sex.

Not about the tequila...

Or the Ogden's...

Or the Jaeger shots... how many had he done anyway?

Three... thirteen? He stared at his fingers and tried to count the... how many fingers did he have anyway? And why was his cock not cooperating!

"Damn you! Wake up! We finally see action and you take a bloody nap!"

Outside the bathroom door, Ron wondered what was taking Harry so long.

"Mate, did you fall in? Is my mirror harrassing you again?"

He approached the door and heard Harry asking someone to wake up. had he brought him home to be shared with someone? Ron hadn't thought of the possibility of Harry being involved, but...

"You alright there, Harry?" Ron asked.

"Fine... just... be right there," Harry replied hastily then stared at his cock once more. "Damn you," he hissed. "Don't make me do it... please don't make me do it!"

"Do what?" Ron asked through the door. "I wouldn't ask you to do..." Ron stopped suddenly as he certainly couldn't be hearing what he thought he was hearing...

On the other side of the door, flaccid cock firmly in hand, his free hand against the wall, Harry sang... "whenever life gets you down..."

He couldn't believe he was doing this... but it had worked in the past and it had to work now... "sees you wearing a frown... and the gravy train has left you behind..."

"Harry mate," Ron rapped lightly on the door. "Is everything okay?"

"And when you're all out of hope... down at the end of your rope..." Harry continued to sing, his hand slowly stroking the slowly waking shaft.

"And nobody's there to throw you a line..." Ron heard Harry sing and he had to stifle his giggles.

When Harry stopped singing, Ron realized his best friend had forgotten the lyrics and decided to... well lend a helping...

"If you ever get so low that you don't know which way to go  
Come on and take a walk in my shoes," Ron sang and Harry's eyes snapped open.

If he weren't so drunk, he'd find it truly mortifying, but his cock was finding it rather interesting...

" Never worry bout a thing  
Got the world on a string  
Cus I've got the cure for all of my blues," Harry whispered, slowly stroking himself to hardness.

"I take a look at my enormous penis  
And my troubles start a-meltin' away," he sang louder, gaining confidence with each pulse of his thickening shaft.

"I take a look at my enormous penis  
And the happy times are coming to stay," Ron added, feeling the encouragement was almost the same as being in there with him.

"I got a sing and a dance when I glance in my pants  
And the feeling's like a sunshiney day," Harry continued, his cock now fully sprung to life and ready for action. He hated that damn song and one day, he'd figure out why his cock found it arousing. For now... he'd take his chances, sing along and "... I take a look at my enormous pe-e-e-nis  
And everything is goin' my way."  


  
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at <http://www.thequidditchpitch.org/viewstory.php?sid=3567>  



End file.
